He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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