we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
