I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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