people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
