Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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