The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
