Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
