my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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