I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
