I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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