They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
