I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize