Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
