Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
