This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
