So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
