shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
