I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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