On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
