Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Who died my cat blue again?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize