You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
