so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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