He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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