There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you made out with another girl for some wings
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
