girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
