I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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