Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need a beard to bite.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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