Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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