I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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