a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
