Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
