I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
