How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
