Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
