she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
