You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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