I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize