We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize