Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I intend to get homeless drunk
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Im part way to drunk.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
