I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
