Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize