Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
