Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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