We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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