I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
