HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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