Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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