there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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