those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
