does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
