There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
