if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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