it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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