Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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