It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i think my cat just said my name.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
