Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
