it hurts more in the daytime
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
