I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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