The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
