An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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