dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just made out with a guy for $7.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
