Yo dont text me then not text me
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
