OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
