just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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