wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
