There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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