508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
