My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
