My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
