Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
