by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
