pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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