Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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